A group of local tourists took to the sea to watch butanding. The tourist guide wanted to make sure the group would experience seeing butanding. “We’re paying you a handsome sum for the group to witness butanding. Don’t embarrass me and make sure we get what we want in this trip,” the guide tells the boatman. The boatman replies, “If lucky mo, makita niyo butanding.” One in the group softly remarks, “Hindi ko makita butanding, di man ko laki.” Guide to tourist: “He means ‘swerte’”.
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A couple quarreling, “You’re so frigid , it’s of no surprise if you have cold cream between your legs,” the husband said. Wife answers, “and it’s of no surprise if you put vanishing cream between yours.”
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A very young lady arrived at the church, topless. She was stopped by the priest at the entrance, saying, “I’m afraid, I can’t get you in.” The lady got upset and tells the priest, “”But I’ve got a divine right.” Priest replies, “You have a divine left as well. But still I can’t let you in.”
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Marilyn went to confession. “Forgive me, Father for I have sinned. I spent hours before the mirror admiring my beautiful body. Will I have to do penance?”
Priest: “You only do penance when you’ve done something wrong. Not for a mistake.”
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A Catholic boy was trying to outdo his INK playmate tells his friend, “ My priest knows more than your minister.”
INK boy, “That’s because you tell him everything.”
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I had this college friend who was too creative and daring. He did his talent to his dad after the spent all his three months’ allowance in one month.
He thought of a great scam, calling his dad and telling him “Dad I am in an amazing place doing some research. I came across this parrot which, the institute here thinks, can be taught to think and talk for himself. Can I buy this parrot? I’ll need, though, P10,000.00.”
Dad, thinking this can make money for the family, agreed and sent my friend the 10K. Two weeks later, all the 10K was spent and my friend continues with his scam.
“Dad the parrot is a lot better than I initially thought,” friend tells his dad, adding, but I need another 15K for its training. Dad again sends the money that my friend blew in one month.
Time to go home, my friend dreaded the thought of being discovered by his dad. So he strangled the parrot before reaching home.
Dad meets my friend and asks “Where’s the bird?”
“Dad brace yourself for a very bad news. While in the train on my way here, when the parrot said ‘it’s nice to be home with you. I wonder if your dad is still fucking the woman across the street,” my friend tells his dad.
Before he could finish explaining, his dad exclaimed “I hope you rung its neck!”
“I did exactly that dad,” my friend assured his dad.
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