Scrolling through social media, I came across a post by John Calderon that shook me to my core. The incident happened around 6 PM on July 21, 2024, at Ulli's Ayala Center Cebu. It was a scene that highlighted a troubling issue in our society—respect and accountability.
According to John Calderon's post, a server at Ulli's was subjected to a two-hour punishment simply for calling a customer, Jude Bacalso, "Sir." This server, who made an honest mistake, was forced to stand in a parade rest position for nearly two hours. Witnesses, including John and his mother, saw this humiliating scene unfold as they wandered around the mall.
John describes how they first thought Jude might be the owner of Ulli's, discussing something with the employee. However, as the hours passed, it became clear that something was wrong. When John finally intervened, he discovered that the server's only mistake was misgendering Jude. Despite the server and other employees repeatedly apologizing, Jude refused to let the matter go.
Missteps in Handling Misgendering
Let me be clear: misgendering someone is disrespectful and can be hurtful. It's important to recognize and respect people's identities. However, the response to such a mistake should be proportionate and handled with grace and understanding.
Jude's reaction—forcing the server to stand for two hours—was not only disproportionate but also cruel. It was a public shaming that served no purpose other than to assert power and dominance over someone who had already shown remorse. This kind of behavior does not advance the cause of respect and inclusivity for the LGBTQ+ community; it undermines it.
Professionalism and Empathy in Addressing Mistakes
In professional settings, mistakes happen. The key is how we address them. Punishments should not be about exerting power but about fostering understanding and improvement. If Jude felt insulted, the appropriate response would have been to calmly explain why the misgendering was hurtful and ensure that such mistakes are avoided in the future.
Punishing the server for a mistake they were genuinely sorry for and had already apologized for, is not an example of professional or ethical behavior. It's an abuse of power. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I believe they must hold themselves to a higher standard of empathy and respect. Their actions should reflect the very values they advocate for.
The Impact of Public Humiliation
Publicly humiliating someone for a mistake can have severe consequences on their mental health and well-being. In this case, the server was reduced to tears and had a panic attack. This was a moment when empathy and understanding were needed the most, not further punishment.
The absence of Ulli's managers during this incident also highlights a gap in leadership. Proper training and protocols should be in place to handle such situations professionally and sensitively. Ensuring that staff are equipped to deal with conflicts, especially those involving sensitive issues like gender identity, is crucial.
A Call for Accountability and Respect
While it’s crucial to address issues of misgendering and respect for identities, it must be done in a way that fosters understanding and growth, not humiliation and punishment. Jude's actions were not justifiable, and this incident should serve as a reminder that respect and empathy must guide our interactions, especially in moments of conflict.
To Jude, and anyone who finds themselves in similar situations: use these moments to educate and uplift, not to demean. Respect is a two-way street, and we must practice what we preach. This incident at Ulli's is a stark reminder that our actions, especially as advocates for the LGBTQ+ community, must reflect the values of respect, empathy, and understanding that we hold dear.
Let's hold each other accountable and strive to be better, ensuring that our actions speak louder than our words.
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