My true reaction to the recent elections took three days to manifest, much like an awkward ten second delay to a joke. The wife rushed me to the ER because I was breaking into a cold sweat, hyper-acidic tummy, and was having a blurry vision. The nurses and the doctor took my BP and applied ECG but found nothing wrong. 110/70 and no irregular or sudden spikes in the needles. “Must be stress,” the physician said. Indeed, I just walked off feeling fine.
For the first time in my more than 70 years, I had what my other doctor-friends later assessed as an “anxiety attack.” Whoah! I have a reputation for being cool and I am not the sort who will panic even with pillboxes exploding or stones flying or even bullets wheezing around. In fact, I become more calm in such situations.
My only reaction to grave illnesses in the family, pressures of work, and financial debacles are skin rashes at its worst. Even if I try to design my own destiny, I have complete surrender to fate.
The recent trip to the ER only told me that I did take the elections so seriously. Just like 15 million other Filipinos. When we said our votes were not for ourselves but for the downtrodden and the next generation, we meant it.
During the pandemic, I convinced the wife that we should start liquidating our worldly assets and stop worrying about our children and grandchildren. But now I am not sure. Not because they will not be inheriting a house, or a tiny piece of land, or a collection of art, but because they will be inheriting a national legacy of debts of government that they as citizens would have to pay for. Much worse, they will be grappling with distorted history and values, disinformation and dynasties.
It is a good thing we have a truly fine person in Robredo who looks at losses as opportunities to build on. She has exhorted believers to embark on a brand-new, positive start. I seem to remember her saying that one should give her/his best shot in any given situation, but ultimately leave to the Almighty the course and the close of the chapters of one’s life. I am rephrasing her but I share that attitude. We move on.
The other day, the wife and I went on an errand that marks our ages so clearly. We went to Ermita to reserve a chapel for our 50th wedding anniversary next year and, after this, went to Pasay to show that I am still much alive so as to make sure my pension does not get cut off.
San Marcelino St. alone triggered a lot of memories. There was St. Theresa’s College where I spent my kindergarten with the gentle Mother Redempta on my mind. There is the row of old apartments in Paco still standing where the wife and I lived on a floor above an entresuelo, our very first residence as a married couple. I recall Minnie Ripperton’s “Loving You” charging the air with hormonal energies.
On Taft Avenue, across PWU, was JASMS in an old house, where I spent my Grade I. I used to walk from there to my grandparents’ house in Singalong, have a snack, and proceed to our house in San Andres. Batang Maynila po ako. Hindi pwedeng lokohin. The streets were much safer then. I cannot imagine any of my children allowing their 9-year-olds riding jeepneys alone these days. They will be mortified!
Pardon my reminiscing. I have an excuse. I will be marking another birthday this week and I realize I have lived longer than my father had. I lost five close friends in the last two years alone, one due to COVID. The others to cancer, heart attack, and pneumonia. Melancholia could also kill; I wish I had seen and laughed with them more often. Yes, even with my Dad.
Late last year, the doctors said I had too much sugar in my blood. I immediately said goodbye to my chocolates, fruit juices, donuts, and kakanin. I miss them but I don’t feel deprived.
Move on. The wife and I will resume our foreign and local travels, probably the last legs in our life. Not unless I win the Lotto. We haven’t exactly retired and we are trying to get some of our children to take over our modest multimedia concern. I intend to be working ‘til I croak like Henry Sy, though we certainly do not have his business acumen nor an iota of his wealth.
I am not a religious person, though I pray every night even during the worst of times. I express my gratitude for all the blessings and the challenges. Mostly, I ask for nothing but equanimity.