Candid Conversations: Vivien Mangalindan
Candid Conversations

The Alibi Cycle: Why Excuses Drive Us Nuts

Oct 11, 2024, 7:15 AM
Vivien Mangalindan

Vivien Mangalindan

Columnist

THE BACK STORY No sense of urgency can really get under our skin. When people make excuses instead of showing up - it messes everything up. Whether it’s at work, home or social events - we end up feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. – Why does this matter? – How does it affect our lives?

WORK WOES: THE DISAPPEARING TEAM PLAYER

Situation: A big project deadline is coming up.

– Before: You ask your teammate Fred for updates. He keeps saying: “I’ll give it to you tomorrow.” Days go by - and Fred gives excuse after excuse:“I had family stuff” or “My computer crashed.” Because of Fred’s lack of urgency - everyone else has to scramble to fill the gaps.

– After: You sit down with Fred and explain how his excuses hurt the whole team. He realizes it’s not just about him. It’s about everyone working together. After your talk - he starts submitting his updates on time. The team works better together - and trust builds.

HOME HASSLES: THE MESSY APARTMENT

Situation: You and your roommate Sam share an apartment.

– Before: Every week, it’s the same story. Sam says: “I forgot” or “I’ll do it later.” Your place looks like a disaster zone - and you end up doing all the cleaning. It gets frustrating.

– After: One day - you decide to talk it over with Sam. You explain how his lack of urgency affects you. Together, you make a task schedule with reminders. Now, when visitors come over - your place looks neat. And everyone feels comfortable.

SOCIAL EVENTS: THE GHOST WHO NEVER SHOWS UP

Situation: You plan a fun get-together and send out invites.

– Before: One friend - Jenny - always says she’ll come but never shows up. She gives you excuses afterward - leaving you feeling disappointed. Because Jenny doesn’t show up - you end up with unnecessary catering expenses for people who don’t come.

– After: You decide to be honest with her. You tell Jenny how her ghosting makes you feel. She realizes that skipping out is not a nice thing to do. Now, she makes an effort to show up for future plans - and your friendship grows stronger. Plus, you save money and stress in the process.

THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF NO SENSE OF URGENCY

No sense of urgency isn’t just a little annoyance. It’s a big deal. Here’s how it impacts our lives:

Workplace Chaos

– Creates missed deadlines and stressed-out teams.

Home Hassles

– Leads to messy living spaces and tension between roommates.

Social Disappointments

– Results in unnecessary expenses and disappointment when friends don’t show up as promised.

This lack of urgency affects everyone - and it’s time we take it seriously.

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES

How do we break away from this cycle?

Have Open Talks

– Discuss responsibilities and set clear expectations with your team, roommates or friends.

Hold Each Other Accountable

– Encourage commitment by checking in regularly and reminding one another about deadlines.

Make Respect a Priority

– Treat each other’s time and commitments seriously to promote a supportive and reliable environment.

When we genuinely care about each other and stick to our promises - we create a better vibe where everyone can shine.

Remember: Alibis are just excuses for missed opportunities. Let’s choose action instead.

vivienshowandtell@gmail.com

YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/@ShowAndTellWithMissV

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