Ever talk to someone - and no matter what you say, they just shoot it down? You share an idea, a feeling, even a fun fact - and bam! They’ve got something to correct, disagree with, or roll their eyes at. You can feel it - they just had to invalidate, and it stung.
THE BACK STORY
What’s really going on? Some people just can’t help but invalidate others. Why?
WHY THEY DO IT
They want to feel smarter.
- If they can correct you - they feel like the expert in the room.
They hate being wrong.
- Instead of listening, they argue - even if you’re just sharing how you feel.
They don’t realize they’re doing it.
- Some folks honestly think they’re “just being honest” or “helping.”
It’s a power move.
- Cutting you off or one-upping your story makes them feel in control.
HOW IT FEELS
- Frustrating
- Exhausting
- Like your words don’t matter
It can totally kill a good vibe, make you shut down, or worse - make you doubt yourself.
WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
If you’ve found yourself invalidating others or just want to make sure you’re communicating in a more supportive way - here’s what you can do.
SHARING AN IDEA AT WORK
Scenario:
Ella suggests a fun activity in a meeting.
- “I think it would be cool to try a trivia game next Friday.”
Ken comments:
- Before: “Eh, I don’t think anyone really enjoys those. We’ve done enough of that stuff.”
- After: “That actually sounds fun - wanna help plan it out?”
Aha Moment:
A quick comment can either crush someone’s idea - or make them feel heard and valued.
OPENING UP TO A FRIEND
Scenario: Marcus opens up.
- “I’ve just been feeling off and kinda drained.”
Jordan responds:
- Before: “Everyone feels that way. Just push through, man.”
- After: “Thanks for telling me. Want to talk more about it?”
Aha Moment:
You don’t need to fix it. Just listening helps more than you think.
CHATTING WITH A KNOW-IT-ALL RELATIVE
Scenario: Lena shares something cool she read.
- “Did you know dolphins have names for each other?”
Aunt Nina replies:
- Before: “That’s not true. I read something totally different.”
- After: “No way! That’s wild - where’d you read that?”
Aha Moment:
You don’t always have to be right - just be curious.
A CASUAL TALK TURNS SOUR
Scenario: Jamal talks about a recipe he tried.
- “I made this spicy mango salsa yesterday - so good.”
Ray answers:
- Before: “I don’t like mango - it’s too sweet. Weird combo.”
- After: “I’m not a mango fan - but that actually sounds creative!”
Aha Moment:
You don’t have to like it to show support. Kindness still fits.
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
Ask yourself:
- Am I lifting someone up?
- Or letting the air out of their confidence?
Keep lifting.
- Words matter.
- People feel.
Remember: Be aware of how you communicate - tact matters.
YouTube Channel
www.youtube.com/@ShowAndTellWithMissV
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