There is more than a grain of truth behind the oft-quoted cliché that “happiness is relative or personal”. Because happiness is apportioned subjectively to everyone. Because happiness isn’t found outside but comes from within. Because, like beauty which lies in the eyes of the beholder, happiness resides in the heart of the rejoicer.
Most people are quick to approach happiness by climbing and striving to satisfy Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – (1) Physiological (food, clothing, shelter, sex); (2) Security or Safety needs; (3) Social and Belongingness needs; (4) Self-Esteem needs; (5) Self-Actualization needs; and (6) Self-Transcendence or Intrinsic Values needs.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is built on the premise that one can satisfy the needs in a hierarchical fashion. Which means that you cannot yet fulfill, say, your social or self-esteem needs unless your physiological or safety needs are satisfied. But, as contemporary studies reveal, people can have relative happiness or satisfaction of the higher needs randomly through life’s different stages. This simply brings to fore two truths: one, that life is in a constant state of becoming or change; and two, that indeed happiness is relative or personal.
But what about the truth of un-happiness that is brought about by our incessant striving for more and never-ending sense of discontentment?
I like to think that, in our contemporary scheme of things, there are three progenitors of this kind of un-happiness: (1) human instinct for belongingness and survival, which says that you should feel threatened, frustrated or lonely; (2) the modern consumerist culture, which whispers to you: you need more clothes, the latest iphone model, expensive car, good beer, lucrative status, consume more and be like the glamorous people on TV; and (3) past psychological hang-ups or insecurities, which tells you: you’re not that smart, you’re not attractive, you’re not worthy.
How can we conquer these sources of un-happiness borne out of our “striving for more” and “unceasing not-enoughness”?
Let’s remember the following bottom-line truths.
One, with regard to our instinctual feeling of being unsafe, unbelonging or unloved, it is worth reckoning that God’s creation is all-good and we are completely loved by God.
Two, concerning our consumerist and status-seeking culture which pushes us to constantly strive for more or be discontented, it is worth remembering that what really matter most in life are not the “consumables” but the intangible and lasting values that will even outlive us.
Three, against the backdrop of our past insecurities and guilt, it is worth realizing that each one of us has been endowed with natural goodness and individual gifts, talents, and free choice – and we’re thus capable of improving and growing.
Paulo Freire, the Brazilian educationalist, said it profoundly: “Man, who is an incomplete being and yet conscious of his incompletion, has the inherent potential for completion.”
In sum, happiness is maintaining a good balance between aspiring and not wanting for more, between pleasure and pain, between constantly striving and being always contented.
And where else can we find contentment but in God? As St. Augustine of Hippo once profoundly said: “Inquietum est cor meum, Domine, donec requiescat in Te (My heart is restless, O Lord, until it rests in Thee).”
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