Here’s a quite poignant yet fascinating story I’ve stumbled on social media:
After his father’s death, the son decided to leave his mother at an old age home and visited her on and off.
Once, he received a call from the old age home:
“Your mom is very serious. Please come and visit her.”
So the son went and saw that his mom was very critical and was about to die. The son asked:
“Mom, what can I do for you?”
Mom replied:
“Please install fans in the old age home, as there are none. Also put a fridge for betterment of food because many times I slept without food.”
The son was surprised and asked:
“Mom, while you were here you never complained, but now you have few hours left and you are telling all this. Why?”
Mom replied:
“It’s OK, dear. I’ve managed with the heat, hunger and pain. But when your children will send you here, I am afraid you will not be able to manage.” END OF STORY.
Cadged from real life or not, the story undoubtedly brings home one important lesson: We ought to honor our parents and while they’re still around, we shouldn’t fail to show our love for them.
Truth to tell, I too cannot escape being alluded to by the story – despite the fact of my having spent a considerable number of years in the seminary and have even reached the penultimate year of priestly formation prior to getting out and subsequently getting married.
I must admit that one reason, not of my getting out, but of my not going back to the seminary was because of my father who, even in his retirement years, had separated from my mom for another woman whom he sired a child.
But my deepest regret is that I was not able to reconcile with my father before he died – and only to find out later after his death that my father returned home to my mom, who welcomed him back and even took care of my already ailing and bedridden father until his death.
My greatest remorse was not being present during my father’s burial; and having arrived late, I just painstakingly settled on visiting his grave, heavily poured out tears, and painfully asked for my father’s forgiveness.
On reckoning now, I just realized how really true are the following words which I came across from an anonymous source:
“When I die, don’t come to my grave to tell me how much you love me and how much you miss me, because those are the words I want to hear while I’m still alive.”
From my crushing experience about my father, I’ve come to realize that indeed – resonant to what St. Augustine said, “God created us without us,” or that when we were born into this world God did not ask us to choose who our parents would be – our parents are God’s gift to us just as we too are God’s gift to them.
In other words, as there is always a reason for everything under God, no matter how imperfect our parents are, the fact remains that THEY’RE THE ONLY ONE WE’VE GOT.
Honoring or loving our parents is a fundamental commandment of God. Take note, the 4th commandment does not say,
“Honor your father and mother ONLY IF THEY HONOR YOU.”
According to Pope Francis, in his general audience at St Peter’s Square sometime last month, dishonoring or “discarding” our old parents or the elderly is a grave sin.
“The contempt of dishonoring the elderly actually dishonors all of us. ‘Honor thy father and mother’ is a solemn commitment. It is not just about one’s own father and mother. It is about their generation and the generations before, whose leave-taking can also be slow and prolonged, creating a time and space of long-lasting co-existence with the other ages of life.”
Moreover, Pope Francis exhorted that parents and the elderly should be taken care of and not be left alone.
“Please, take good care of parents, grandparents and old people. Because they are the presence of history, the presence of the family. And it is thanks to them we are here. Please, do not leave them alone. Honor is a good word to frame the aspect of returning love that concerns old age. We have received this love from our parents, now we return this love to our parents, to our grandparents.”
In closing, as excerpted from the social media, I find the following words profoundly captivating in honoring our old parents:
“WHEN PARENTS GET OLD...Let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow. Let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that they heard yours as a child. Let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win. Let them enjoy their friends just as they let you. Let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them. Let them enjoy living among the objects that have accompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of this life away. Let them be wrong, like so many times you have been wrong and they didn’t embarrass you by correcting you. LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go. GIVE YOUR HAND, just like THEY GAVE YOU THEIR HAND WHEN YOU STARTED YOUR PATH.”