Fine by Me by Amadeus Rex
Fine By Me

Necessary Changes

Mar 6, 2021, 1:33 AM
Amadeus Rex

Amadeus Rex

Columnist

You can't change others, but you can change yourself.

This is a part of life that can be hard to accept, especially when you might want others to abide by your own needs, wants, and preferences. Even if you were to actively want to acknowledge and accept this, what would it mean to do so?

Before A Mirror

“Why should I change myself? They're the one who's wrong; I know I'm right!” Such a way of seeing things can be harmful to both you and the person you want to change.

In your eyes, what seems like guidance or assistance may come off as being overbearing and controlling to others. In your eyes, being aggressive might even seem to be necessary and correct.

When you find yourself wanting to make someone else change the way they do something or simply not do it at all, assess your motivation for doing so. “Is it directly affecting me? Is it causing someone harm? Do I just not like it?”

Reasons For Pushing

If someone's actions or attitude directly affects you, you must first decide what causes it to affect you in such a way that makes you want to change it. If it makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why.

Does it attack you or someone else, or are you actively choosing to be offended by it?

If it's something that literally and directly harms someone, such as someone's tendency to be brash or rude, wanting them to be otherwise makes sense. Even so, such a thing cannot always be solved by forcing a change.

A Gentler Approach

If you want someone to acknowledge a change you want them to make, present your concern directly to them. Being passive and just choosing to understand or be patient with them won't do anything if you're still quietly expecting them to change something they might not even be aware of.

Even so, if you deem it truly necessary to present a change, try your best to pose it in as gentle a manner as possible rather than an accusatory one. Guilt-tripping someone into changing is unhealthy and manipulative, and it may only serve to make matters worse.

“Try not to make too much noise, okay? People might get disturbed” is a lot easier to listen to than “Will you please keep quiet?! You're always so noisy!” Bring your problem to their attention; don't make them feel like they're the problem.

Leaving Them Be

Though you might believe that sometimes push may come to shove, you must understand that the shove might not have to come from you specifically. Sometimes, you simply have to let people figure things out themselves.

If it doesn't directly involve you nor does it pose any actual danger to anyone, the best option is to give them the space they need to make the changes life demands from them, if it is truly as necessary as you feel it is.

As some changes come with time or experience, the best you can do is adjust the way you perceive the necessity of change in other people, and learn to better handle them whether or not those changes take place at all.

Hyperbolically speaking, it really takes a miracle to change certain things about certain people. If you think you're that miracle, you're most likely not.

For comments, please email amadeusrex23@gmail.com.


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