Leadership: Stop Telling, Start Asking
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Leadership: Stop Telling, Start Asking

Nov 29, 2024, 7:15 AM
Vivien Mangalindan

Vivien Mangalindan

Columnist

When leadership takes a wrong turn - it’s usually because of one big mistake. Too much telling: not enough asking.

THE BACK STORY

If you’re stuck in a cycle of barking orders - and wondering why no one’s delivering - it’s time for a serious reset.

Let’s look into why asking is your ultimate leadership tool

  • Asking is more than inclusive. It’s a game-changer.

WHY TELLING DOESN'T WORK

Telling people what to do might seem efficient - but here’s why it backfires.

It Makes People Resist

  • Nobody likes being bossed around.
  • You push harder: they push back.

It Kills Creativity

  • When you tell - they stop thinking for themselves.
  • No fresh ideas. No problem-solving.

It Assumes You’re Always Right

  • Telling overlooks your team’s input.
  • You miss out on better solutions and new perspectives.

WHY ASKING WORKS

Asking questions changes how your team reacts and performs.

It Builds Buy-In

  • Ask - and they’ll feel involved - plus take ownership.

Scenario. Alex gets a new project.
Before.

  • Leader: “Just do it this way.”
  • Alex feels excluded.

After.

  • Leader: “How do you think we should approach this?”
  • Alex feels involved and takes ownership.

It Sparks Problem-Solving

  • Asking makes them think: “How can I fix this?” 
  • Instead of waiting to be told - they act.

Scenario. Ted's team is stuck.
Before.

  • Leader: “Here’s the solution.”
  • Ted follows without thinking.

After.

  • Leader: “What’s the best way to solve this?”
  • Ted suggests creative solutions.

It Creates Trust

  • It’s more than just work. It’s about valuing their input.

Scenario: Jay hesitates to share concerns.
Before:

  • Leader: “I’ll handle this.”
  • Jay feels ignored.

After:

  • Leader: “What challenges are you facing?”
  • Jay opens up and trusts the leader.

HOW TO SHIFT FROM TELLING TO ASKING Change your tune. Turn your 'telling' habit into a powerful 'asking' approach.

Ask What to STOP Doing
Instead of “Do it this way” - try:

  • “What’s not working?”
  • “What do you think we should stop or change?”

This gets them thinking critically - and opens the door for honest feedback.

Use Open-Ended Questions
Skip 'yes/no' questions. Go with:

  • “How can we improve this?”
  • “What’s stopping you from trying a new approach?”

These questions spark ideas and real conversations.

Listen Without Judgment

Even if their ideas aren’t perfect:

  • Listen fully
  • Thank them
  • Show you care

If they still keep doing things their old way - get curious:

  • “Why does this approach feel right to you?”
  • “What challenges are you facing that I might not see?”

Knowing their reasons helps solve the real issue.

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES

Telling is easy - but asking works wonders.

Great leaders don’t tell people what to do. They inspire and empower them. 

  • Stop telling
  • Start asking

It’s simple, effective and a total game-changer.

Remember: Leadership starts with asking.

vivienshowandtell@gmail.com

YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/@ShowAndTellWithMissV

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