Seven steps to help you live a life of true forgiveness
Author and motivational speaker Les Brown said it rightly:
“Forgive anyone who has caused you pain or harm. Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others only. It is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind and spirit. Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace – where you can persist despite what has happened to you.”
Anyone can harbour a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was OK. It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go.
Forgiving is releasing the hurtful burden. But you cannot let go of the painful emotions unless you recognize and accept first those emotions. Similarly, before you can forgive others, you have to forgive yourself first, and remember you are not the cause or reason why someone has hurt you.
But, how precisely will you go about in forgiving others and yourself? Cliff Hsia, author of the “The Good Men Project,” offers seven steps to help you live a life of true forgiveness:
1. Identify your hurt. Pinpoint the source of your hurt – failure, missed opportunity, heartbreak, a person who was mean to you or who neglected you, etc.
2. Acknowledge your hurt emotions. Sadness, grief, anger, pity, loneliness? Hate, disgust, jealousy, depression? In order to get rid of the hurt, you need to recognize your pained emotions.
3. Forgive yourself and let go. Forgiveness starts from within. You need to forgive yourself first before you have the capacity to forgive others.
4. Breathe in and breathe out compassion. Let compassion flow, one breath at a time. First, with yourself, then for the person who hurt you.
5. Forgive unconditionally. Compassion and empathy materialize into action when you forget about the problem and move on to the solution and forgiveness.
6. Be grateful. Forgiveness empowers personal growth, both for the forgiver and the forgiven.
7. Love again. Forgiveness lets you love again. You forgive because you love, and you love because you forgive.
Have peace, forgiveness can be your greatest life-changing gift the moment you give it and thus live a healthier, meaningful, and happy life.