Opinion
If you were to ask me what I believe is the most challenging part of being friends with someone, I would say either one of two things: it would be either gauging your place in their life or giving them enough reason to keep you around. More often than not, understanding the former is essential to achieving the latter.
“Feeling close” (or FC for short) refers to a non-mutual perception of the level of respect and familiarity between two people.
When someone believes they are closer to a person than the said person actually sees them, it can result in rather unpleasant consequences.
A distance may be created, and the offended party may want to avoid or outright reject the offender.
Tact Is The Key
So what must you do in order to avoid being FC?
First, you must remember that tact is key.
Everything you say has effects, so don’t go throwing out offhanded remarks. Whether you’re talking to a stranger, an acquaintance, or someone you view as a good friend, give everything you say at least a brief moment of thought to make sure you won’t say something you’ll eventually regret.
Second, mind your personal space, and mind your own business. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve found ease being friendly or open with other friends, family, and classmates growing up—everyone is different and has their own ways of processing relationships and interactions with other people. Not everyone will be as open as you might be, and that’s not a bad thing.
Normal Interaction
Try not to impose your ideas of “normal” interaction on everyone.
If you like putting your arm around someone’s shoulder when talking to them, or patting them on the back, or whatever, avoid overdoing it.
And if someone says they don’t like it, or if you can see they’re not comfortable with it, then stop without question.
Just accept that they see it that way, and don’t try to make them feel bad by following up reluctant resignation with a bitter comment about how they’re weird for it.
Don’t Pry
Avoid sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, and don’t be quick to dump unsolicited information on someone.
If someone wants you to know their life story, they would tell you.
Don’t pry, or they’ll shut you out even more. And if someone wants to know your life story, they would ask. Fail to understand this, and they might stop listening to you altogether.
This applies to other things as well, such as interests, opinions, problems, and advice.
If they want you to be a part of any area of their life, they would say so, and being allowed access to one part of them doesn’t mean you’re entitled to know and discuss every last detail.
Make sure to remember that even if they decide to include you in any of these parts of their life, you should be careful of everything you say.
Friendship Is A Privilege
Lastly, remember that the other person is a person, too.
If you really want them to be your friend, you should be a friend.
Listen to them with your ears, but also do so with your heart and mind.
Pay attention to their wants, needs, and feelings, not just your own.
Respect their boundaries, and make an effort to fully understand everything they entrust to you, all with the primary goal of learning to be a good friend.
Friendship is a privilege, not a right.