Fake Leaders And Clueless Critics
THE BACK STORY
Ever had a conversation where someone suddenly invalidates your feelings and opinions? It’s so frustrating - and can leave you feeling drained. These people are often rude and tiring to deal with. Let's talk about why they act like this.
NOTE: Invalidation is when someone dismisses or belittles your thoughts, feelings, or experiences - making you feel like they don't matter or aren't real.
INTERPRETING INVALIDATION
Lack of Sensitivity. Some people just don't get where you're coming from. There are times when you're really excited about something - but your friends don't seem to care because they can't relate.
- Example. You're thrilled about a recent win - but your friend Ella lamely says: ‘okay’ - because she can’t connect with your excitement.
Insecurity. Other times - folks put you down because they feel insecure about themselves. They think they become more important than you by making you feel small.
- Example. In a group chat, Roy always tears down the ideas of others - just to make himself seem smarter.
Ignorance. Some people don't realize how hurtful they're being. They don’t know the impact of their words or actions on others.
- Example. You open up to your team-mate Jenny about something personal. Then she acts like it's no big deal - not seeing how much it means to you.
Power Play. Think of the new manager who always talks over everyone else in meetings - making it all about him.
- Example. Your boss Wayne is always interrupting and hogging the limelight during discussions - making it impossible for anyone else to get a word in.
Social Norms. In some places - 'belittling' behavior is acceptable. It's their family culture.
- Example. Family gatherings can be tough when your in-law Anna makes snide remarks about your lifestyle choices - because it's not good enough for them.
It's frustrating - but their behavior says more about them than it does about you.
ENERGY VAMPIRES
Do you feel totally drained after talking to someone who always asks for your advice - and then contradicts everything you say? It feels like they're zapping the life out of you.
- Situation: Debbie consults you for guidance on her projects - but criticizes every suggestion you make. Each conversation with her leaves you disappointed and unmotivated.
CLUELESS AND RUDE
It's incredible how some people are so unaware they are being rude. They insist on having the right to their opinion, not realizing - or maybe not caring - how much they're hurting you.
- Situation: Your officemate Bill keeps making jokes about your weight - not sensing how much it hurts you.
FAKE LEADERS
There are those who brag about being leaders - but act nothing like one. Because competent leaders do not invalidate people.
- Situation: You're hired as a specialist. But in meetings, the group leader Fred bluntly dismisses your expertise with: ‘you are wrong’. He ignores your insights. More than being exasperating - it’s a direct insult to your professional status.
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
When you interact with these types of people, know when to speak up - and when to just shrug it off.
Speak Your Mind. If something's bothering you - don't hold back. Keep it simple and plain: ‘When you shut down my ideas - it's a mood killer.’
Set Your Boundaries. Make it clear where you stand. ‘Feedback is fine - but constant negativity is not acceptable.’
Choose Your Battles. Not every little thing needs a big reaction. There are times when it's best to save your energy for the main issues.
Remember: Don’t take things personally. Sometimes - it's not about you.
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