"Kapag di na magkasundo, maghiwalay na lang!" (If couples no longer see eye to eye, better to separate!"
What is the template pledge in getting married, civilly or in church? "I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow."
Nowadays, the younger generation would rather stay on a live-in status and plan to have children later before finally get into the married status. That is, if they last long enough.
It must be an oddity that I, myself, whose civil status is "annulled" do not favor divorce. I got married when I was just 15 so annulment was a breeze, even with four young children.
Yes, I was young and immature. But as we grew older, we acquire the wisdom that it is imperative for parents to live by example. On one hand, wiser children would not want to experience what parents had been through and, thus, make things right for their own family.
Broken Family
What we must advocate on is to build stronger families and not support divorce.
Divorce becomes an excuse for couples who wouldn't try harder to make things work within the home. Nothing cannot be resolved by communicating — to vent out and to listen and to balance — given the consequences of "a broken family."
Recollecting the commitment pledge, how important is it to persevere in overcoming the challenges within a relationship? We are two different people that should be ONE after the blessing in the sacrament of marriage.
It is a stigma — and not only traumatic — for children to be tagged as "from a broken family" as if it were some kind of communicable disease. Others are very judgmental and unkind when they learn that the parents of their children's friends are separated. Is it fair to tag kids as "broken"?
Living with one of separated parents has a heavy emotional toll on children.
But what about the couple themselves? Divorce leaves a wound that takes many years to heal as there will always exist the feeling of failure and guilt. Divorce will never resolve issues between them.
Divorce impacts on children the most. As supported by many studies, children of divorced parents "often experience emotional turmoil, feelings of insecurity, and long-lasting effects on their psychological well-being."
Strong Families
The study further shows that, generally, children coming from a stable home environment grow emotionally and socially secure.
No matter how divorced parents try to maintain stability at home, divorce can sometimes lead to academic problems and behavioral issues. As they grow up, the stigma and scar left growing into a "broken home" can seriously affect relationships.
On the flipside, many single parents are wise enough to seek intervention to reverse effects of divorce on children who learn lessons from the separation and vow to make good their own lives with own family.
They then ingest the belief that couples, who were committed to the foundational institution of marriage, should live it, work on it.
Children coming from "broken homes" look forward to "anything but..." pledging to build a strong home, a stable family, provide emotional security for own children, and foster mutual support with partner.
After all, marriage is a commitment based on trust, loyalty, and responsibility. There is nothing good communication can reconcile so why resort to divorce?
(email opinyon.luchie@gmail.com, luchiearguelles@yahoo.com)
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