There’s no denying, no one is spared from the hurtful experience of brooding – just as challenges and struggles are but part and parcel of life.
Brooding, from its dictionary meaning, is being preoccupied with depressing or painful thoughts or memories. This usually occurs after a crushing defeat or painful failure, fateful choices and disappointments, broken relationships or simply being ghosted by a dear one, or an excruciating anguish over being repeatedly “getting stuck at the bottom”.
In my personal experience, having strayed through a myriad of roller-coaster rides of ‘ups and downs’, brooding or being fixated on negative thoughts is not unfamiliar to me. How many times in the past, whenever I’m besieged with a crushing defeat or tragedy, NO AMOUNT of “rationalizing” or some feel-good reminders – like “Worrying can’t change anything”; “The past is gone and over”; “Mistakes are OK”; “Nothing is permanent”; “Failure is not failure unless you acknowledge being one”; etc. etc. – WOULD SPARE me from falling into the trap of wallowing in negativity over the tragic situation.
Consider, for example, in our social media-woven society, being GHOSTED, especially by somebody you care or love most. After sending several messages – be they business or official in nature, friendly, or even personal expressions of affection – the reply is nil, i.e. IGNORED. This will inevitably spark or elicit a plethora of negative thoughts on your part like, among others – the answer is a silent “NO”; the other person doesn’t care at all; you are less worthy or not deserving; or that the other person is simply undiplomatic or just plain rude!
These negative thoughts will give rise to painful emotions in you and will keep recurring in your mind (read: brooding), triggering you to react – either negatively or positively.
As for me, culled from my roller-coaster life journey, I propound to react positively or constructively, or to harness the experience of brooding from a passive indulgence in negativity into a valuable instrument for self-discovery and growth.
How? From psychologist Mark Travers, in his online article “3 Ways To Brood Constructively” posted on forbes.com, let me share these three key strategies to leverage the constructive aspects of brooding and fostering a mindset that promotes growth and resilience:
1. Reflect With Purpose. Chart a path for your aimless wandering thoughts and establish positive objectives for your reflection process.
For instance, when faced with a persistent relationship challenge, employ goal-oriented reflection to systematically analyze the issue. Set a goal to unravel the underlying patterns of behavior and emotions contributing to the challenge. Your objective may be to gain insights into the dynamics at play and to develop effective strategies for communication and conflict resolution.
Engaging in goal-oriented reflection propels you beyond idle contemplation, providing a sense of purpose and direction to your introspective endeavors.
2. Engage Thoughtfully With The Present. Rather than being consumed by past events or preoccupied with future concerns, mindfulness, the pillar of constructive brooding, prompts individuals to thoughtfully engage with their present experiences. With this, one develops the ability to observe thoughts without judgment, fostering a deeper understanding of emotions and reactions.
“Brain dumping” your thoughts and emotions onto a journal, which is one form of intentional engagement with the present, enhances the quality of introspection and can turn the act of brooding into an ultimately productive and personally meaningful exercise.
3. Reframe Positively To Turn Challenges Into Opportunities. Positive reframing involves redirecting attention towards the potential positive or beneficial aspects of a stressor. The emphasis shifts from fixating on perceived failures or setbacks to recognizing them as opportunities for valuable learning and development.
Practicing self-compassion is important during this process. Self-compassion is associated with reduced over-identification with negative emotions through positive reframing. Therefore, acknowledging that facing difficulties is a shared human experience and everyone encounters setbacks is crucial. What sets individuals apart is not the absence of challenges but how they respond and grow from these experiences. Embracing this mindset can transform what initially seems like a stumbling block into a stepping stone for personal and professional development.
And, not the least, I’d like to add a 4th one to psychologist Mark Travers’ three strategies: PRAY or SPEND TIME WITH GOD.
As oft been said, prayer is the best antidote to any problem and the first recourse to any challenge. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Mt. 6:33)
Verily, in my brooding moments, akin to Travers’ “brain dumping onto a journal”, I never fail to consult God, first and foremost.
Profoundly so, in my moments of “clasped hands and bent knees”, I’m not simply apt to express or complain about my painful feelings before God but, more importantly, to embrace with GRATITUDE his LOVING PRESENCE and LISTEN to his lofty guidance.
In short, I do not do the talking. It’s God.
“Nada te turbe, nada te espante…solo Dios basta (Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you…God alone suffices)” – St. Therese of Avila.
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