This is a story told me by my friend from Aklan. An aging Italian checked in at one of the upscale hotels in the island paradise called Boracay. The Italian guest tells his story to my friend. “Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis of toast bread. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate. She says, you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she calls me sonna me bitch. “Later I go to eat at a bigga restaurant. The waiter brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tells me everyone wanna fock. I tell her, you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She says, you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. “So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tells me to go to the toilet. I say, you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. “I went down to the checkout and the man at the desk say, peace on you. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I’m leaving this island.”
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A lesson on self-defense.
Sister Maria was asked what she would do when accosted by a man with bad intentions.
“I would lift my habit,” Sister Maria answered, surprising her Mother Superior, who again asked, “and what would you do next?”
“I would ask him to drop his pants,” Sister Maria answered the more shocked Mother Superior.
Sister Maria continued, “Then I would run away fast. I can run much faster with my habit up than he can with his pants down.
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On Chinese cars now flooding Philippine market.
When asked “How do you double the worth of the car?”
Answer: Fill up the gas tank.
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Why do Chinese cars have free TV?
Answer: So you’ve got something to do while waiting for the mechanic to come and fix it.
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What do you call someone who buys a second-hand Chinese car?
Answer : A scrap dealer.
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On a road in Padre Garcia in Batangas, a Chinese car driving along meets a donkey. The donkey has never seen a Chinese car before, asks, “What are you?”
Chinese car says, “I’m a car, what are you?
Donkey says “I’m a horse.”
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What do you call a Chinese car at the top of a hill?
A miracle.
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