Let’s go back to basics. Definition of terms. Candid + Conversations. Here are my favorites from Google.
Candid
‘Frank; outspoken; open and sincere: a candid critic. Free from reservation, disguise, or subterfuge; straightforward: a candid opinion.’
Conversation
‘Deepening or creation of relationships: to connect with other people, to build relationships. Entertainment or fun: to have fun, banter, gossip, flirt. Recognition, attention, or reputation: to obtain it or offer it.’
REALITY CHECK
A good conversation involves talking and listening. Get it? That word: listening. That is where the problem starts. Everyone wants to talk, but nobody wants to listen. To make matters worse, when they reply or comment, their answers have absolutely no connection to the question or topic at hand.
And then there’s this. I have observed that people want to be seen and heard, but they don’t want to look or listen. Where’s the logic in that? Is that a conversation if two or more people are talking and no one is listening?
It can get worse. Have you ever experienced someone changing the topic completely and hogging the conversation? That person might as well have a monologue. (Take a hint. Nobody’s interested.)
Now, here’s the extra challenge. Why do people get so upset when we give them our opinion - when they asked for it in the first place? If they wanted praises, they should have plainly said so.
IN THE WORKPLACE
Why are candid conversations important? Again, let’s see what Google has to say.
‘First and foremost, people who speak candidly (not cruelly) report higher levels of job satisfaction, confidence and results. By communicating clearly and openly about what is on your mind, you can even be more effective and more productive.’
Who is going to trust you if you sugar-coat your reports, and then make unkind remarks behind people’s backs? Beware, remember the old saying? ‘What goes around comes around.’
IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
Believe me, you are much more likeable (and perhaps even lovable) when your companions feel that you are authentic. After all, how can you trust people if they turn out to be fake friends? I call them ‘frenemies’.
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
If you want to be an interesting and engaging conversationalist, try these simple Do’s and Don’ts.
1. Be an active listener. Meaning: listen to understand, not to reply.
2. Ask relevant questions, instead of reciting everything you know about the topic.
3. Use plain language. Avoid long technical words and jargon. There is no need to impress people with long and boring supercalifragilisticexpialodocious words.
As a coach and mentor, I encourage you. The best way to establish rapport and build meaningful relationships is to have candid conversations. Give it a try. What have you got to lose? You have everything to gain.
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Vivien Mangalindan. Public speaker. Humorist, satirist and social commentator. Broadcaster, podcaster and talkshow host. Certified: Mental Toughness Coach, NLP Practitioner and Mental Health First Aid Responder. vivienshowandtell@gmail.com