Have you ever been in a conversation where it feels like the other person is just waiting for their turn to talk - rather than actually paying attention to what you're saying?
Well, you're not alone. Many of us tend to listen with the intent to reply instead of truly understanding.
THE RUSH TO REPLY
Imagine this: you're sharing a story about your weekend adventures - and your friend is already thinking about their own exciting story before you've even finished. They might nod and say, ‘Oh, that's cool’ - but are they truly absorbing what you're saying? Not really. They're busy crafting their response instead of understanding your experience.
WHY DO WE DO THIS?
Why do we tend to listen with the intent to reply - rather than understanding? Well, there are a few reasons.
- We're often eager to share our own thoughts and experiences - because it makes us feel important and included in the conversation.
- Our brains are wired to think about our responses as soon as we hear something interesting or relatable.
THE ART OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Here's a way to break this cycle and become a better communicator. It's called active listening. It means you're fully focused on what the other person is saying - not just waiting for your turn to talk. Here's how you can become an active listener.
1. Give Your Full Attention
When someone is talking to you:
- Put your phone away
- Stop restless movements
- Look them in the eye
Show them that you value what they're saying.
2. Don't Interrupt
Resist the urge to jump in with your thoughts while they're speaking.
- Let them finish their sentence - even if you're bursting with something to say.
3. Ask Questions
Instead of immediately sharing your own experiences:
- Ask questions to dig deeper into what they're telling you.
This shows that you're genuinely interested.
4. Empathize
Put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand their feelings and perspectives. Show empathy by saying things like:
- ‘I can see why you felt that way.’
- ‘I understand how that could be frustrating.’
5. Reflect and Summarize
After they've finished talking:
- Reflect on what they said
- Summarize it in your own words
This confirms your understanding - and shows them that you were paying attention.
THE BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Why bother with active listening? Well, for starters, it strengthens your relationships.
- When people feel heard and understood - they're more likely to trust and connect with you.
- You'll gain a deeper understanding of the people in your life.
And this can lead to more meaningful conversations.
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
In a world filled with distractions and constant chatter - it's easy to fall into the trap of listening with the intent to reply. But by practicing active listening - you can break free from this habit and become a better communicator.
The next time you're in a conversation, keep in mind:
Many people are more into getting ready to reply - than actually understanding what's being said.
- Be different
- Be an active listener
Notice how it improves your relationships.
Remember: Practice active listening. Watch your connections grow.
vivienshowandtell@gmail.com
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